Soap is not a condiment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
