I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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