We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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