In America we eat man semen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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