i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize