I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
