so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
