I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize