Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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