I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
