Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
