So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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