Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize