From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize