you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
