Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
