hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
