What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
