Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
