I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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