In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
