She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
