No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
