If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
