he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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