I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
