i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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