Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
