So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
