There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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