Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
