i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
