Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize