Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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