Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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