I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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