Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize