I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
