When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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