Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
