I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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