I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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