it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
