Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
