my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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