she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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