Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
