the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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