I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
