It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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