I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
