I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
