At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
