nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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