So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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