Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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