you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
