We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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