I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
