i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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