A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
