Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't notice because vodka
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
