Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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