Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
