Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
