so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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