the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
