I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
