I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
