You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
