Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
