I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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