so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
