dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
