So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
