Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize