I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
