Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
