worst night to have a conscience
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
