The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
