she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
