Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize