You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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