you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
