she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
