Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you inspire me to be a worse person
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
