i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
