How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
